Few things sting more than this: You give years of your life to a man… five, seven, even ten years and he tells you he’s “not ready for marriage.” You wait. You hope. You keep believing he’ll change his mind.
Then the relationship ends and within months, you see him engaged to someone else.
It feels like betrayal. It feels like you wasted your best years. And it leaves you asking, “Why her and not me?”
Let’s break down what’s really happening.
1. He Always Knew You Weren’t the One
Here’s the hard truth: If a man can date you for years without marrying you, it’s not because he was confused. It’s because he wasn’t choosing you.
He may have “loved” you, cared about you, and enjoyed your companionship but deep down, he knew you weren’t his forever. Instead of walking away, he stayed because it was comfortable.
2. You Were the “Practice Run”
Many women unknowingly become the training ground for men. You were the one he learned with. You taught him how to communicate, how to share space, how to handle conflict.
The cruel irony? The next woman often reaps the benefits of all that growth without having to invest the years you did.
3. Avoidant Attachment at Play
This dynamic is often rooted in avoidant attachment style.
Avoidant men crave connection but fear commitment. They’ll stay in a relationship for years, enjoying closeness while keeping one foot out the door. They rarely let themselves get “all in” because intimacy feels threatening.
So they do just enough to keep you there, date nights, vacations, the occasional promise of “someday” but not enough to give you what you really want: Marriage and security.
At the same time, they’re scanning the horizon for “something better.” This is why they can pivot quickly when they meet someone new. It’s not that she’s better, it’s that their avoidant wiring finally decided to attach in a way it wouldn’t with you.
4. He Was Waiting Until He Was Ready
When a man says, “I’m not ready for marriage,” what he really means is, “I’m not ready for marriage with you.”
Because when he meets the woman he does want to marry, his timeline changes instantly. Suddenly, he’s ready. He’ll find the money for the ring, he’ll make the plans, and he’ll commit.
👉 Readiness is relative, it’s about who he’s with, not just when.
5. The Law of Contrast
Sometimes it takes losing something to get clarity. After a long breakup, some men finally realize what they want. The next woman becomes a “fresh start,” and they rush into marriage, not because she’s necessarily more worthy, but because the contrast made them decisive.
6. The Path of Least Resistance
If marriage with you felt like “work,” he’ll delay forever. Maybe he didn’t feel aligned with your vision, maybe he didn’t feel fully safe, or maybe his avoidant wiring always kept him at arm’s length.
But when he meets someone who feels like an easier fit, he’ll rush in because men don’t overcomplicate commitment. If they want it, they act on it.
7. You Trained Him to Be a Husband… Just Not Yours
You gave him wifely benefits without the covenant. You acted like his wife, hoping he’d eventually step up.
The truth? You showed him what a good woman looks like but he never intended to marry you. That’s why the next woman gets the ring. Not because she’s “better” but because he finally decided to commit.
The Hard Truth (and the Good News)
If a man can date you for years without marrying you, he wasn’t stuck, he was choosing. He was choosing delay, choosing convenience, choosing to reap benefits without giving covenant.
And yes, his avoidant attachment style played a big role. Avoidants keep people close enough to get some of their needs met, but not close enough to risk intimacy. They delay, distract, and deflect until one day, they decide to choose.
So when he marries the next woman quickly, it doesn’t mean she’s better. It just means he finally made a decision and it wasn’t you.
And as painful as that is, it’s also freeing. Because you don’t want a man who strings you along for years in avoidant limbo. You want a man who knows, who pursues, who chooses with clarity.
Your Next Step
Don’t waste your prime years in “practice run” relationships. Don’t confuse loyalty with delay. And don’t let avoidant men trick you into believing “someday” means soon.
👉 This is exactly what I teach inside my Last Year Single program. I’ll show you how to:
- Recognize avoidant patterns and stop chasing them.
- Heal the part of you that confuses chaos for chemistry.
- Spot red flags early instead of waiting seven years for clarity.
- Attract a man who is consistent, committed, and ready to choose you.
✨ Join me for my Last Year Single program.
📲 Sign up at www.jackiedorman.com.
Because the right man won’t need years to decide. He’ll know. He’ll pursue. He’ll choose you. 💛
