So apparently TikTok has a new breakup strategy called “Date Them Until You Hate Them.”
The idea is simple: Stay with someone long enough that their disrespect, gaslighting, and trash behavior turns your butterflies into pure disgust, then poof, you’re finally free.
Cute idea. Terrible plan.
Here’s the tea: if you’ve got an anxious attachment style (and about 25–30% of women do), the worse they treat you, the more you’re gonna chase them. It’s science, psychology, and a little bit of trauma bonding sprinkled on top.
🚩 Why This Doesn’t Work
- Anxious attachers love the push-pull. Ghost me today, love bomb me tomorrow? Ooooh, it’s like emotional crack.
- Disrespect feels like a challenge. Instead of leaving, you lean in harder. (“He didn’t mean it, he just needs me to love him more!” 🙃)
- You normalize mistreatment. Waiting until you “hate them” means you’ve trained your nervous system to call chaos home.
So by the time you do hate them? Congratulations, you’ve wasted months (or years) of your life and taught your brain to confuse toxicity with passion.
🧠 The Aftermath of Playing This Game
When you live by “date them until you hate them,” you’re signing up for:
- 🔥 Emotional burnout – resentment as your new norm.
- 🚫 Broken trust – even good people won’t feel safe, because you only know relationships as betrayal.
- 💔 Hardened heart – the kind that blocks you from real love, because you’ve let too many fakes abuse your front row seat.
🎬 Pop Culture Proof
We’ve seen this play out on screen:
- Ross & Rachel (Friends)—on-again/off-again until it was more drama than love.
- Tasha & Ghost (Power)—ride-or-die turned ride-or-hate.
- Cookie & Lucious (Empire)—passion, betrayal, revenge, repeat.
These couples didn’t need more time to “grow hate.” They needed therapy, boundaries, and a clean exit strategy.
💡 The Better Way
You don’t need to hate someone to leave them. You need clarity.
- If they disrespect you, say no.
- If they lie, cheat, or manipulate, walk away.
- If they treat you like an option, remove yourself from the lineup.
Because here’s the truth bomb: Hate doesn’t set you free. Wisdom does.
✨ Final Word
So no, don’t “date them until you hate them.” That’s like saying, “Keep eating expired sushi until you get parasites, then you’ll never want it again.”
Sis, just put the chopsticks down.
Choose peace. Choose boundaries. Choose yourself. And maybe next time… choose someone who doesn’t make you want to start a TikTok trend about how miserable you are.
💌 Ready to Break the Cycle?
If you’re tired of dating on hard mode—waiting around for disrespect to finally kill the butterflies—it’s time for a better plan.
✨ In my Last Year Single program, I’ll help you heal your anxious attachment, set boundaries that actually stick, and finally attract the kind of love that doesn’t require a hazmat suit.
💡 Don’t “date them until you hate them.” Date with clarity, confidence, and purpose to start writing the ending you actually want.
