There’s been a rising argument lately: “Marriage is old-fashioned. Women don’t need a man to live full lives.”
I want to pause and say: Yes, women absolutely can live full, purpose-filled lives without a permanent man. But denying the beauty, power, and purpose of marriage as a sacred covenant is not the same as boldly choosing to wait well.
You don’t have to choose between your destiny and marriage. You can walk in purpose and partnership.
A Cultural Example: Diane Keaton’s Life & Legacy
Last week, Diane Keaton passed away. Her life will be celebrated as that of an icon, fearless, eccentric, deeply creative. In her interviews over the years, she was open about why she never married: She saw the cost of being stuck, serving, or disappearing into a family life that swallowed identities.
She once reflected that her mother’s life shifted after marriage, that she gave up dreams, and she didn’t want that story for herself.
But here’s what I want to say: Diane’s choice doesn’t have to be your limit. Her avoidance of marriage comes from a place of honoring her gifts and protecting her identity. That’s valid. But it doesn’t mean marriage is inherently oppressive or that waiting for partnership is a betrayal to your calling.
Destiny + marriage can co-exist. They should co-exist.
Why Some Women Feel Pressure to Choose
- Fear of losing identity. We see too many stories where women become “just wife” or “just mother” and forget their original dreams.
- Historical wounds. Generational trauma can whisper: “Marriage cost her her voice.”
- Cultural extremes. Some voices say you must be wildly independent or you’re weak; others say you must marry or you’re unfulfilled.
But the gospel message (and what I coach) says: You are whole. You can wait for covenant without losing your vision. You can walk in calling and still say yes to love.
Marriage Done Right Magnifies Destiny
When marriage is healthy, it’s not a prison. It’s a launchpad.
- A supportive spouse can amplify your gifts, not silence them.
- A covenant relationship gives you emotional safety to risk more.
- Shared purpose can push you further, faster.
- Two people on mission is greater than one person alone.
If you ever have to choose between staying in your calling or choosing love, something is wrong with the relationship, not the calling.
There Are Worse Things Than Being Single
Let me be clear: Being single isn’t tragic.
What is tragic is being in a relationship that stifles your spirit, ignores your value, or forces you to shrink.
There are worse things than being single:
- being tolerated, not treasured
- being silenced, not encouraged
- being second place to someone’s convenience
- trading your vision for someone else’s comfort
So yes — wait. Wait for covenant that aligns. Wait for love that lets you breathe. Wait for a yes that doesn’t ask you to compromise your divine you.
Reclaiming the Narrative
Diane Keaton chose to stay single, afraid that marriage might mean losing herself the way she saw her mother fade into domestic duty. That fear shaped her story and it also revealed the heartbreak of a generation that believed you could only have one: Love or purpose.
But imagine if Diane hadn’t lived in fear of disappearing. Imagine if she’d found a partner who celebrated her brilliance, protected her artistry, and stood beside her as an equal, someone who helped her dream bigger, not smaller.
Maybe she would’ve still made the same legendary films, walked the same red carpets, and inspired millions. But perhaps, after the spotlight faded, she’d have had a hand to hold, a home filled with laughter, and a love that matched her legacy.
That’s the truth so many women need to hear:
You don’t have to give up your dreams to gain love. You don’t have to sacrifice your purpose to be someone’s partner. The right marriage won’t mute your calling, it will multiply it.
Your life doesn’t have to be single or married. It can be both: Fully alive, fully loved, fully on mission.
So if you feel this tension between purpose and partnership, let me assure you: You can have both.
There’s a version of you who is passionately called and a version of you who is deeply loved. They don’t conflict. They complete.
