It’s easy to look at Edmond and Kalybriah on Love Is Blind and say, “They just weren’t compatible.” But what we were really watching wasn’t just a bad match, it was a trauma bond dressed up as connection.
He wasn’t falling for her strength.
He was falling for what his inner boy thought would finally make him feel safe. And she wasn’t trying to control him, she was trying to push past the instability that came from loving a man who didn’t yet know how to stand on his own.
The Mommy Wound and the Fixer Instinct
When a man grows up with an unavailable, inconsistent, or critical mother, something deep in him learns that love feels unstable.
He may spend adulthood chasing the opposite of that pain, a woman who feels strong, steady, and unshakable.
She becomes his anchor, his therapist, his rescuer, his reason to get better. But here’s the catch: She was never meant to be any of those things.
Her strength soothes his fear, but it also exposes his fragility.
And as he leans harder on her, she becomes what she never wanted to be, his emotional caretaker.
At first, she mistakes it for intimacy. For some women, it’s nice to be with a man who is emotional.
But over time, it turns into imbalance.
She’s giving more than she’s receiving. And love starts to feel like labor.
The Polarity Problem
When a man isn’t emotionally stable, decisive, or spiritually grounded, the woman he’s with will almost always shift into survival mode. That’s when polarity, the spark that makes romance thrive, collapses.
He’s in his toxic feminine energy: Emotional, reactive, passive, waiting to be rescued. She compensates with her toxic masculine: Hyper-independent, guarded, managing, and emotionally detached.
The more he avoids responsibility, the more she tightens her grip.
The more she fixes, the weaker he becomes. It’s a cycle that feels passionate, but it’s actually powered by fear, not connection.
Why Strong Women Get Stuck Here
If you’re a woman who leads, heals, or helps for a living: A counselor, teacher, coach, or therapist, this dynamic hits close to home.
You’re wired to nurture growth. You see potential everywhere you look.
But that gift, unchecked, becomes a weakness in dating and marriage.
You don’t see a red flag, you see a project with potential. You don’t see a warning label, you see an opportunity to heal someone.
And before you know it, you’re coaching a man who should have been courting you.
That dynamic doesn’t make you “too strong”. It makes you tired.
Because no amount of emotional labor can turn a broken boy into a balanced man.
What Healthy Love Looks Like
Healthy love doesn’t need you to shrink your strength. It just asks that you don’t use it to compensate for his weakness.
A healed man won’t compete with your power, he’ll cover it. He’ll bring safety that allows you to stay soft, not over function just to feel secure.
Because real partnership isn’t about rescuing or regulating someone’s emotions. It’s about mutual wholeness. Two people who’ve done their inner work, walking side by side, not one carrying the other.
The Heart Work
If you’ve ever loved someone like this, don’t shame yourself for it.
You weren’t foolish, you were faithful.
You saw potential because that’s who you are.
But now it’s time to turn that compassion inward. Heal the part of you that confuses love with work.
Heal the part that thinks strength equals safety. And most importantly, heal the part that believes you have to earn emotional security instead of just receive it.
Final Word
You can’t fix your way into fulfillment.
You can’t mother your way into marriage. And you can’t lead your way into lasting love.
Love only thrives where both people are whole enough to show up as partners.
Do the Heart Work™.
Let God restore your balance.
And get ready for love that doesn’t drain you, it sustains you.
