If you’ve been single for any length of time, you’ve probably heard the term “red flags.” But here’s the problem: A lot of people treat every little flaw like it’s a red flag. And others? They’re so used to chaos that they ignore the real ones.
Here’s the truth: Not every flag means stop. Some are danger signs, some are growth opportunities, and some are signs of safety and love. Learning the difference will change your entire dating life.
🚫 Red Flags: The Hard Stops
Red flags are not quirks or little imperfections. They are danger signs. They point to behaviors, patterns, or issues that will damage you if you ignore them.
Examples of Red Flags in Dating:
- Dishonesty: Lying, withholding important truths, secretive behavior.
- Inconsistency: Hot-and-cold pursuit, ghosting, breadcrumbing.
- Anger or Aggression: Explosive temper, intimidation, cruelty.
- Addiction Without Recovery: Drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling without accountability.
- Disrespect of Boundaries: Not listening when you say “no,” pushing your limits, dismissing your needs.
- Lack of Responsibility: Always the victim, never wrong, blame-shifting.
- No Vision or Direction: Stuck, drifting, or unwilling to build a life.
👉 Bottom line: If you see repeated red flags, believe them. Don’t excuse them away. Red flags are STOP signs.
🟨 Yellow Flags: The Growth Opportunities
Here’s where most people get stuck. They confuse yellow flags with red ones. But yellow flags aren’t dealbreakers, they’re just differences, quirks, or areas for maturity. Everyone has yellow flags!
If the person is consistent, committed, and willing to grow? A yellow flag doesn’t have to end the relationship.
Examples of Yellow Flags in Dating:
- Different communication styles (one talks it out, the other needs time to process).
- Family baggage (divorce background, strained relationships with parents, financial mistakes).
- Inexperience in healthy relationships (they’re learning new tools, not resistant).
- Habits or quirks (lateness, messy car, nerdy hobbies, introversion vs. extroversion).
- Lack of emotional vocabulary but willingness to grow and learn.
👉 Bottom line: Yellow flags are not “stop.” They’re “proceed with curiosity.” Ask: Are they showing consistency and growth? If yes → that’s workable. If no → it can slide into red-flag territory.
✅ Green Flags: The Building Blocks of Love
Green flags aren’t always flashy, but they’re what make a relationship sustainable. These are the qualities that bring peace instead of chaos, safety instead of drama.
Examples of Green Flags in Dating:
- Consistency over time.
- Honesty and transparency.
- Respect for your boundaries.
- Accountability when wrong (apologizing, taking responsibility).
- Emotional safety (you feel calm, not anxious).
- Pursuit and commitment (they don’t keep you guessing).
- Desire to grow together
👉 Bottom line: Green flags are what make love last. They won’t rev up your nervous system like toxic attraction does and that’s a good thing. Peace is sexy when you’re healed.
Why We’re Attracted to Red Flags
Here’s the tough truth: Sometimes we’re drawn to red-flag people because chaos feels like “home.”
- If you grew up around inconsistency, hot-and-cold affection might feel familiar.
- If your nervous system is used to adrenaline, stability may feel “boring.”
- Trauma bonds can trick us into mistaking chaos for chemistry.
That’s why so many women overlook the steady, faithful men right in front of them. They don’t set off fireworks but they do create the peace where love can grow.
The Shift You Need to Make
Healthy love feels calm, not chaotic. Secure, not confusing. Stable, not dramatic.
✨ Red flags = danger.
✨ Yellow flags = human differences and growth opportunities.
✨ Green flags = the foundation for forever.
Stop chasing perfect. Start looking for present, consistent, faithful. Because your spirit mate won’t be flawless but he will be committed.
Your Next Step
This is exactly what I teach inside my Last Year Single program. I’ll help you:
- Heal the part of you that confuses chaos for chemistry.
- Recognize red flags for what they really are.
- Stop rejecting good men over yellow flags.
- Start valuing the green flags that build real, lasting love.
👉 Ready to step into your soft era? Join me for my Last Year Single program. We’re going deep into all of this and it could be the shift your love story has been waiting for.
📲 Sign up at www.jackiedorman.com.
Because the right man or woman for you won’t be perfect. They will be faithful. Consistent. Committed to grow. And that’s what forever is built on. 💛
