The Rise of the Situationship—And Why It’s Stealing Years from Christian Singles

It usually starts with a text.

Not a “Hey, I’d love to take you out” text. But a “Hey, what are you up to?” at 9:47 p.m. Or maybe it started in your DMs after they hearted your story and casually kept the conversation going for weeks without ever asking for a phone call or making actual plans.

Before you know it, you’re in something—but you don’t even know what to call it.

You talk often. You might even pray for each other. You’ve got some chemistry. You know their favorite coffee order and what childhood wound keeps them up at night. But you’re not dating. Not officially. Not exclusively. Not progressively.

Welcome to the gray area of modern dating—the situationship. And Christian singles are not immune.

So What Is a Situationship, Exactly?

A situationship is a romantic connection without commitment, clarity, or consistency. It’s emotionally intimate enough to feel like a relationship but undefined enough to give the other person an easy out.

You’re stuck in the tension of “more than friends” but “not quite dating.”

You’re investing your time, energy, emotions, and sometimes your body into someone who hasn’t made a real decision about you.

And hear me: I say this with love, but situationships are stealing your most valuable resource…your time.

Why Are So Many Christian Singles Getting Stuck in Situationships?

Because we’ve been told:

“Just let it happen naturally.”

“Don’t put pressure on anything.” “

Go with the flow.”

“You’ll just know when you know.”

But guess what? That “flow” often leads straight to confusion, heartbreak, and sometimes even years of delay.

In the absence of direction, people default to connection. But connection isn’t the same as commitment. And chemistry doesn’t always bring clarity with it.

In the Kingdom of God, relationships aren’t meant to be ambiguous. They’re meant to be intentional and that goes for all relationships.

The Emotional Toll of the Gray Zone

Situationships create spiritual soul ties, leaving you emotionally entangled with someone who never had the courage, clarity or desire to truly pursue you.

Here’s what happens in your heart:

You overanalyze every word they say.

You start to question your value.

You fear bringing up “the conversation” because you don’t want to scare them off.

You stay “hopeful” even though nothing’s changing.

This is spiritual limbo. And it keeps many people single but also emotionally unavailable. Why? Because their heart is already preoccupied with something that they hope is going to finally take off.

It’s Not Harmless—It’s a Setup for Delay

The opposing forces don’t always show up as a red flag. Sometimes, they show up as a gray area.

If you can’t be convinced to fully walk away from your desire for marriage, then distraction will be the new weapon used against you. This will keep you in cycles of:

Almost.

Maybe.

Someday.

“They just need a little more time.”

But your future partner doesn’t need a little more time to figure it out. They’ll know. And they’ll show up with intentionality if they are truly marriage minded.

You Deserve Definition

Let me be clear: asking for clarity is not pressure—it’s maturity.

You’re not “too much” for wanting direction. You’re not “rushing” things by expecting someone to define the relationship within a reasonable timeframe.

God is not a God of confusion. And His blueprint for love doesn’t involve breadcrumbing, emotional limbo, or endless “getting to know you” stages.

How to Exit a Situationship (With Your Dignity Intact)

If you find yourself in one right now, here’s your permission slip to pivot:

Get honest with yourself. Are you holding on to a hope that was never promised?
Stop managing their potential. You are not their emotional coach, best friend, pastor, or savior.
Ask the defining question. “What are we doing here? Are we building something or just hanging out?”
Walk away if the answer is unclear. Delayed clarity is a decision. No answer is your answer. Please hear what they aren’t willing to say and get moving forward.