If you’re single and marriage-minded, chances are you’ve heard every excuse in the world for why you’re still single:
“Girl, God’s just preparing him.”
“All the good men are married.”
“The apps are trash.”
“You just need to wait on God.”
Cute. Sweet. Comforting.
But also, not helpful.
Here’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud but everybody secretly suspects: You’re not single because of fate, bad luck, or a shortage of men. You’re single because something in your life, heart, patterns, or choices isn’t aligned with marriage… yet.
And that is actually GREAT news because alignment is fixable. Healing is available. And your love story is NOT too late.
As a matchmaker and relationship coach who has helped over 1,600 people get married, I’ve learned that most women are not struggling with a “man shortage.” They’re struggling with alignment, readiness, and relational programming, especially in a culture where the median age of marriage is getting older and older. That means people are taking longer to grow, heal, mature, and choose well.
Let’s talk about why love hasn’t found you yet.
1. Your Heart Still Has a “Closed” Sign On It
You say you’re open. You pray for love. You visualize the wedding.
But your nervous system is still side-eyeing every man like he’s holding a gun under his jacket.
Your heart remembers the heartbreaks you tried to forget.
It remembers the disappointments you “moved on from” but didn’t actually move through.
And here’s the thing:
You cannot attract a Spirit Mate from survival mode. Self-protection feels safe, but it repels deep connection. And with nearly 1 in 4 adults in their 40’s having never been married, emotional healing, not desirability, is the real bottleneck.
Healing isn’t glamorous. But it is magnetic.
2. Your “List” Keeps Getting Longer
Some standards are holy.
Some are trauma based.
Some are Cultural nonsense.
Some are straight-up shallow.
If your “non-negotiables” read like:
“Must be 6’3”, emotionally literate, debt-free, loves God, loves dogs, gourmet chef, trauma informed, prophetic, and a personal trainer,” then girl, we need to talk.
Because 95% of men are 5’9”.
So you need to get over it. You don’t need a really tall man unless you’re also really tall and then it’s still just a preference. I’m 5’10” and my husband is 5’8,” you can make it work.
When your list eliminates 95% of the dating pool before a man even breathes in your direction, it’s not discernment, that’s called self-sabotage dressed up as “high standards.”
A healthy list protects your heart from confusion and wasted time.
A fear-based list isolates your heart from good prospects and wastes your time.
3. You’re Attracted to What Wounds You
Let me tell you what I have learned watching thousands of people do HeartWork: Attraction isn’t the problem, your programming is.
If you were raised in chaos, chaos will feel familiar and feel like chemistry.
If unpredictability was your normal growing up, consistency will feel weird and maybe even boring.
If emotionally unavailable men have been your blueprint, emotionally available men feel “needy and icky.”
You say you want peace, but you only fall for men who need you to fix them or finish raising them.
Healthy love isn’t boring.
It’s just new. And your nervous system has to have time to adjust.
4. You Don’t Know How to Date With Clarity
And honestly?
It’s not all your fault.
Modern dating trained you in:
- situationships
- low-effort romances
- “let’s just see where this goes”
- breadcrumbing
- delusion disguised as “waiting for a sign”
Meanwhile, marriage-minded dating requires:
- clarity
- communication
- direction
- grown-woman energy
Dating is not vibes.
It’s strategy, intention, and forward movement.
5. You’re Trying to Do It Alone
God never designed you to find love in isolation.
For thousands of years, community was the #1 matchmaker, not DMs, not algorithms, not waiting around hoping someone magically appears at your job, church, gym or front door.
One big reason so many people are still single? We’re living more isolated, individualistic lives than any generation before us.
Remote work. Online church. DoorDash. Amazon. Your Amazon Prime driver sees you more than any eligible man does.
Your problem isn’t that you’re not lovable. Your problem is that your world is too small.
Someone knows someone who knows your Spirit Mate.
(And if you’re in my world, chances are I know someone too. 😘)
6. You’re Not Living Like a Married Woman (Yet)
Marriage is not an event, it’s a lifestyle you grow into.
You say you want partnership, but your lifestyle is married to independence.
Your schedule is booked.
Your routines are rigid.
Your emotional door is triple-deadbolted. You have zero relational margin. If no one can fit into your life, then why are you surprised no one’s in it?
Preparing for marriage doesn’t mean performing wife duties for a man.
It means creating emotional, spiritual, and practical space for partnership.
You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be available.
THE REAL REASON YOU’RE NOT MARRIED YET
Not because something is wrong with you. Not because God forgot you. Not because your “time has passed.”
You’re single because something in you is still in process. And when you align emotionally, spiritually, and relationally, marriage becomes inevitable.
Ready to Get Into Alignment?
If this blog called you out and called you up, you’re ready.
This is exactly what we do in Last Year Single: Healing. Alignment. Supernatural preparation.
Community-based matchmaking. The kind of support that changes your love story forever.
Your Spirit Mate is closer than you think; let’s get you ready.
